Saturday, June 16, 2012

I Didn't Write This Story

I have wanted to write with a fresh clean start for some time. I believe it will be good for me.  I am not a lonely person. However, I have four kids 7 and can imagine the conversations?!?! Not very deep!

I spend a lot of time thinking and reflecting.  I need to get my thoughts out. Share and review where I have been occasionally. And as of late, it has been about my family the Lord has given me, hence the title here. I Didn't Write This Story. If you would have asked me what my life would have looked like 12 years ago, the year I married, I would have had painted you a beautiful picture!! Idealistic!!! Perfection in my book. A little girl's dream of modern day fairy tale. I would have stopped working, had 3-4 beautiful, smart, charming, athletic children that stair step one another. My children would have been best friends, played games, been invited to parties, enjoyed sports, recitals, giggled and played jokes on momma and daddy. We would have had great family vacations with warm sleeping bags all in a row. The laughter from the children would have been heard from just the other room. I would have had cute little ducks follow me obediently around the Target, while slurping a slushy. I would have had little stair step children sitting around the table eager to learn and participate while I home school each of them.

Well, then reality happens.  Some of these things did happen!!! Just maybe not how I would have wrote it!!! The Lord has blessed our family tremendously!! I give many thanks and praises daily for it. But, BUT!!!! But, if I WROTE this story, it probably would have looked like above, not as it is now. And you know what???? I am so THANKFUL!!!! I am not certain the growth in faith, appreciation for my family and "don't sweat the small stuff" mentality would have come otherwise.

So what does my family look like? How is it so different?? Well, 7 years ago, I was blessed with a very handsome, healthy baby boy!!!! My heart was over the MOON!!!! I did get to quit work to be the full time mom I had always dreamed of!!! But, Chris' father had been in a terrible accident while pregnant, so he was a constant worry and need of care. He still is today. The joy really did get slightly zapped. Chris and I were both mentally and physically tired from the last 6 months, that I am sure had given different circumstances, we'd would have been a little more with it. Chris would tend to me, dad and work. It was exhausting I know.

I the next two years involved a job change for Chris, which helped the family a lot. Stressful, but good. Then two months after Colton turned two, I had Carmyn.  Carmyn was a WONDERFUL baby!! Laid back, quiet, not fussy, smiled all the time. Really too good to be true. Then at 6 months we became suspicious. She is too good. No baby just lays around smiling all the time. At 9 months our pediatrician decided to start testing Carmyn to rule anything out. Carmyn was still just lying around smiling. No cooing, no sitting up, no crawling, no eating solids, NOTHING!!! After 6 months of searching for an answer, we got one. NOT what we wanted to hear!!! Not apart of MY story!!! Carmyn had a genetic disorder called Angelman Syndrome. OH THE BLOW!!!! The MAJOR turning point in my growth in God and faith. My daughter MAY not walk, feed herself, be potty trained, learn, and she will have seizure, never will be able to talk.....wait WHAT????? What just happened? This journey for our family just changed forever!!!!For EVERYONE!!!  I will have to go back and detail parts of the process, but I will fast forward.....

Carmyn is two and and half and I find out I am pregnant. Not exactly trying ( I just stopped the pill because of complications), but not 100% preventing I guess either. Okay, no big deal. We can do this. Just one more. It will be good for Colton and us!!! But NO!!! NO! NO! NO! God had another plan, TWINS!!!! This was another turning point in my growth in with God and faith. How in the world was I going to do this?? Why did God choose a special needs child and AND AND TWINS on the heels of that??? I can't do it were my exact thoughts!!!! But I did!!! With lots of prayers, grace and mercy I did!! We did!! OUR FAMILY did!!!!!

So, as I reflect on my life. All that I have been given, I am SO glad I DIDN'T write the story!!! Carmyn is exactly who she is suppose to be today for our family. I have hopes and dreams that it will change!! But for now, she is perfect!! And Aubrey and Addyson!!! The DYNAMITE Duo!!! They are apart of the reason I sit here today and THANK GOD he has His own plans!! Those girls changed everything!!! I couldn't imagine life with each of my children and their distinct personalities. We all are and will continue to make each other better!!!

I so appreciate my family of six!!! I admire and appreciate the work of Chris. He works hard to provide a good home for us and is dedicated on being a good husband and father!! Always consciously spend individual time with each child!!! I love my first born. He tries to step in and be a man and help. This burdens me some because I just want him to enjoy being a kid. But he will grow into one amazing man. He is SMART!!! Athletic!! Funny!! Thoughtful!!  Carmyn has a future of mountain size possibilities that I am blessed enough to witness and be apart of the story. Can't wait!!! Aubrey and Addyson bring fun, spark and balance to it all!!!

So, does my home look like my childhood, modern day-fairy tale??? No, not exactly. It is better!!! I have 4 kids, I stay at home, I home school, my kids are stair stepped, my kids are beautiful, smart and charming. My kids are best friends. We all sit at the table to learn, it just looks a little different with Carmyn and twins. We still go to Target, but it looks a bit different. Carmyn needs a LOT of extra help to walk and stay focused and the twins are wild turkeys that fly the coop often...sigh... We have been invited to a few parties. We are selective to make sure it accommodates Carmyn. Those that we have chosen to attend, have been perfect!!! All because the people LOVE her too!! We still try vacations and restaurants. But are EXTREMELY selective and careful!!! No four fun sleeping bags in a row. But that is okay. We are there and making memories!! I am looking forward to our beach trip this late summer!!! It will be better than the last one!!!  The little girls should be "oceans" of fun and Carmyn is a walker this year!! All good stuff. My dream almost looks the same, I think it is the day to day that is different. The living it out. But it is ALL good. I have come to realize this story, our journey is not just ours!! It is yours too. Our extended family. The therapist we get to know long term. The clerk we see weekly. The stranger we briefly talk to and never meet again. It is our story. Our journey. My biggest hope and prayer is that our family can encourage another. Our family can help bring hope. Our family can be seen as the body of Christ living in and through us!!!! 


Jeremiah 29:11

11 For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

No comments:

Post a Comment